Open Up, Let It Out: Confessing to Each Other

Many times, when we think of confession, we may naturally think of confessing to God. While confessing and repenting to God are absolutely important, there is another layer (and expectation) to confession:

confessing to one another.

God created us as a community. Therefore, we should not carry our burdens alone. We all need trusted people with us to help us carry our loads.

Let’s talk about what the bible says about confessing to others from two perspectives: the confessor and the listener.

Your Role as the Confessor

We may not want to confess to each other for numerous reasons of our own, but probably the most common reasons would be: pride (not even recognizing or acknowledging you have done wrong), not wanting others in your business, wanting to seem like all is “fine”, discomfort in speaking about your wrongs, or fear of being judged for your sins.

Some of us have sharing personalities and are comfortable talking to others about things going on in their lives. But for most (I’ll raise my hand right here), confessing to others can be pretty uncomfortable, especially for a person that is considered private in nature.

Look at what Proverbs 28: 13 tells us about this. “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy”.

Cover: meaning “to hide” or keep secret
Prosper: to “be successful”, also can mean to “have happiness” or prosperity meaning “peacefulness”
Mercy: meaning from God and others

Remember, God already knows your secrets, your actions, your words, your thoughts. He is the only one who can judge you. He is the only one whose judgment matters.

If He knows everything, and forgives you, and promises no condemnation, then who else should we fear?

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.
Ephesians 4:25

So how do you start the practice of confessing to one another?

Are expected to start going up to people and divulging our sins, imperfections, and shortcomings? Absolutely not.

Who should I confess to? Sometimes, it may be a confession and apology directly to a particular person that you wronged. In other situations, make sure whoever you are confessing to is someone you know and trust.

The person should have a personal relationship with Christ. Someone who you know shares the same values as you and understands the importance of sharing your confession with them.

Ask yourself these questions before sharing with someone:

Are you safe? >> Chose someone who you are safe from judgement from. The Holy Spirit has a way of opening us up to certain people and allowing our Spirits to feel comfortable with sharing with that person. In the same token, the Holy Spirit also speaks to us when we should not share with a certain person. Listen when you hear that small voice telling to share or withhold. If you feel you should withhold, be sure to examine the true reasons why, making sure it’s not just a resistance to confessing.
Is your info safe? >> The person you confess to has to be trusted with the information you share. You should feel secure knowing the information you shared will be safe with them. For example, if there is someone always sharing gossip with you, could they possibly share your information as gossip with others?
Is the person safe? >> The person should also be “safe” in the sense that they will not bring up your confessed sin to be used against you or joked about.

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits.
Matthew 7: 15-16

“Fruits” are what they produce, what you see outwardly (compare to Galatians 5: 22-23, “the fruits of the Spirit”)
Those around you who display “fruits” of lies, gossip, betrayal, judgement, may not be the ones you want to confide in.

Your Role as the Listener

While the confessor has to overcome challenges with opening up, the listener has to overcome the challenge of the potential to be tempted into sins of judgment, arrogance, and comparison.

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6: 1-4

If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive only themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to

Let’s break that scripture down:

When this scripture addresses “You who live by the Spirit”, its speaking directly to us, Christians, followers and representers of Jesus.
“Restore that person gently” means to be gentle with your words and expressions. Be careful not to make the person feel condemned or worse than what they already do.
“You also may be tempted” is what we mentioned earlier: tempted to judge and compare that person to yourself.
“Carry each other’s burdens” means to remember Ephesians 4:25. We are members of one another… your sins are my sins.
“If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves”. Comparing what you would have done in their situation can seem haughty. Feeling like “you would have never done that” or “you would not have this type of problem” is prideful.

Biblical Benefits

“You may be healed”. This refers to the confessor as well as the listener.

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
James 5:13-16

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7: 1-5

“Removing your plank” refers to examining your heart and your own judgements in order to properly receive a confession. If we want to help cover their sin and “remove their speck”, we need to examine ourselves first. Additionally, when you literally have a plank in front of your eyes, you won’t be able to see! Your biases and judgement can block you from seeing what this person needs from you. Also, He calls ours a plank and theirs a speck because we are held to a higher standard when someone vulnerable is coming to us. As followers of Christ and we have our “planks” of judgement or arrogance.

There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?
James 4:12

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5: 22-23

Remember the fruits of the spirit when you are looking for your “person(s) to confide in. Look for people after God’s heart, who display fruits of the Spirit
Also we, as listeners, should be displaying the fruits of the spirit when people confide in us. Showing others love, gentleness, forbearing with them in their situation, and having self-control over our thoughts and judgements.

Reflection/ Discussion:

What are some things you can identify that would keep you from confessing to someone?

>>Ask for God to remove these blocks from you so that you can open up when needed.

Think of some people who meet our criteria of being someone you’d trust to confess to. What about that person(s) makes you comfortable in confessing to them?

>>Pray that your confession does not cause them to fall into sins of judgement. Ask for their hearts to be in the right space, free of bias, and ready to give mercy.

Has someone ever confided in you with a sin or confession? How did you handle it? Did you notice any feelings or reactions that do not align with how scripture says we should receive confession from others?

>>Pray for God to help you “remove your plank”. This way, you can be positioned spiritually to give that person what they need: comfort, prayer, scripture, reassurance, etc. You’ll also be able to receive your own healing and blessing as you share the burden with them.