Learning To Be Unbothered: Having Self-Control and Humility
(Read time: 5 minutes)
…Someone cuts you off in traffic.
…A co-worker takes your lunch from the fridge.
…You’re on hold for 30 minutes for customer service, only to get disconnected when someone finally answers.
…You spill coffee all over your laptop as you’re working on an important document… and it didn’t autosave..
Oooohweeee…Ok, first, BREATHE!
Even just reading some of these examples can cause some of us to become angry, anxious, or some other emotion that causes us to snap!
I know I don’t need to tell you, but we all know how life can really throw us some situations that tests our best self. Whether expected or unexpected, we all may need a little help not allowing people and situations affect us negatively and keeping that self-control that God promises us in 2 Timothy 1:7.
There are times where our reaction can be so reflexive, though, we may wonder is there even a way to control it?
“How can I be cool as a cucumber when, inside, I’m ready to pop like a jalapeno popper?” (LOL- that made me laugh, cause jalapeno poppers don’t ‘pop’, but you get what I’m trying to say..)
You actually can. Let’s look at some insights with biblical perspectives on keeping our cool and responding with self-control.
First things first, pause and breathe!
It doesn’t matter what’s happening, take a second to catch your breath and intentionally pause. Remember that reflexive reaction I mentioned earlier? Well, this is how you break that. We act so quickly because we don’t take the time to think before we react.
In James 1:19, we are told to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. My whole post can actually be summed up with this one scripture.
See, when we are told to be quick to listen, you may need to take time to hear out the other person. Sometimes we jump to reaction before the person can even finish their thought. How many times has it happened, that once you looked into or learned the details of something, you realized your reaction was unwarranted? If we are quick to listen the first time, we save ourselves from looking irrational.
But I think, more than listening to the other person, the scripture is also telling us to be quick to listen to the Holy Spirit! When we seek Godly wisdom for dealing with situations and responding to people, the Holy Spirit will guide us. Our Great Counselor will enable us to listen, He will soften our hearts and turn them from anger and frustration to grace and understanding, but we can only experience this if we are slow to speak and quick to listen.
If you’re already speaking and responding from your own emotion, how can you hear the counsel of the Spirit?
When we breathe and take an intentional pause first, we break that negative reflexive reaction, and allow God to speak to us and the Spirit to guide us.
Think about the other person.
Yes, this is tough, but it takes a heart of mercy.
Think… the person on the other side of the situation most likely, has been negatively affected too. Or maybe they did what they did out of a desperate need. Or maybe they have things they are going through that you don’t know about, causing them to act a certain way. Whatever it is, it does not hurt to practice a little mercy.
I can remember times I’ve reacted to a person out of anger or fear, only to walk away thinking, “I could have handled that a little better”.
I’ve regretted treating someone badly, but I’ve never regretted extending mercy.
Petal of Insight
Philippians 2:3 says, …be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. We don’t need to look like the superior in the situation or prove that we are right. Have humility. In this world, humility may be considered as a weakness. In this world, we see people bluntly responding with hostility and little regard to the person on the receiving end of their emotions.
When you consider the point of view of others, it makes it easier to show mercy towards them and makes it a little more difficult to be upset at them.
Does it even really matter?
It can make us feel real silly to think that we blew up about something that isn’t even important.
There’s a saying that goes something like, “if it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t give it more than 5 minutes”. You’ve heard that saying before. It can be difficult to step back and think, “is it really even that bad”? “Does this deserve my energy?” I’m willing to bet, that most of the day-to-day nuances don’t.
The kingdom of God is like this too, but instead of asking “Will it matter in 5 years?”, ask yourself, “Does it matter for the Kingdom of God?”. When we think of Eternity, does this thing/situation matter?
To help answer this question, here’s a little process of elimination for you.
This is what does matter to the Kingdom of God:
- changing people’s hearts to lean towards Him
- planting seeds that will bring their souls to Him, and
- spreading His gospel.
If it has nothing to do with those things, the answer is that it does not matter.
In fact, these situations can be opportunities to reflect His merciful and forgiving nature.
Unbothered: In Your Heart
Learning to live unbothered by things does not mean being apathetic and numb to the situations and people around us, it means that when faced with a situation that can potentially cause us to respond in anger or even rage, we breathe and check if we can possibly respond in a different way.
We can respond and articulate our feelings, while listening to the other person, showing mercy and forgiveness towards them, and letting it go if its not serious.
God gave us anger along with all our other emotions. Jesus, our Great Example, was angry at times in read the bible. Ephesians 4:26 tells us to “be angry and do not sin, and do not let the sun go down on your anger”.
So, its ok to be angry, but do not sin in your anger.
This means to be forgiving in your anger, do not judge in your anger, do not put others down in your anger, and let it go. Don’t hold things against people, don’t harbor grudges or remember people based on their worst moments.
Genuinely, in your heart, let it go, not to be fake towards the person, smiling and showing one thing on the outside, while harboring on the inside.
Sometimes we say we aren’t bothered or that we’ve let go of something, while we actually are totally bothered. If you have trouble sincerely forgiving people and not holding things against them, ask God to search your heart and reveal those places to you. He can cleanse our hearts and replace our anger and judgement with His love and mercy towards others.
We’ve heard people describe themselves, saying things like “I can go from 0-100 in seconds”, as if anger and lack of self-control is a badge of honor. We’ve also heard people say, “that’s not me” when they get angry, describing how certain people/situations “take them out of their normal self”.
When we say those things, do we ever consider that maybe this is you? Maybe you are angry. Maybe you do usually respond in anger; therefore, maybe this is your normal self? I know we may not like to hear that, but if we want to make a change, the first thing we need to do is be honest with ourselves and acknowledge there’s a change that needs to be made.
Bottom line of this Petal:
Friends, let’s live unbothered. We don’t have to spend our time and emotions on situations that don’t really matter. Its ok to pause, breathe, have mercy on someone else, and ask if it really even matters? You don’t have to be bothered by things that aren’t important. Life is sweeter when we stop sweating the small stuff and show grace and mercy in times where you would maybe usually be angry.
Prayer: Father, I thank You for creating me with emotions and unique personality. Sometimes, though, Father, those emotions can cause me to react in ways that do not reflect You. Help me to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger towards people. Search my heart Lord and help me to humble myself before others. Help me to have a heart like yours, quick to forgive and dismissive of the faults of others.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Comment Below! In what ways have you been bothered by things that possibly didn’t matter? In what ways have you successfully controlled your reactions? What works for you?
